“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Children innately believe this life is eternal and as parents, we protect their innocence as long as possible. But, eventually, death interrupts this life and begs an explanation. While death isn’t a particularly “happy” topic, in light of recent tragedies, I felt it needed addressing.

If we’re fortunate, death makes its first appearance through an innocent lady bug or sundried night crawler before it takes our family pet or visits our beloved family member. But, no matter the circumstance or our age, death is always difficult and painful. For our children who think concretely, it can prove traumatic unless we take care to explain it honestly, clearly, and kindly and offer them tools to cope with their emotions.

How do we explain death? Death is concrete and our bodies, also physical and concrete, will cease working. The experts* suggest, “Honesty is the best policy,” with children. If we define death clearly and kindly we eliminate confusion. As Christian parents or grandparents, we also hold the hope of the Resurrection and eternal life. For the youngest, explaining this can prove complicated, but a kind pastor recently explained it like this:

We’re all like an egg. When we reach for an egg, we identify it as a hard, white or brown oval-shaped object. Then we crack it over a bowl, and instantly, the sticky, white and yellow glob inside the bowl is the egg and the white or brown oval is just the shell that contained the egg. Our bodies are simply the shell, that when cracked and broken ceases to be the egg, and it’s discarded or buried. But, the inside of the egg is its substance; it IS the egg. Just like us, our spirit is who we are; it’s our substance and continues to be us without bodily form until Jesus returns when He’ll changes our bodies into heavenly ones, like His, that will never die.

How do we help our children cope with death?

• Be there. Listen to their thoughts and offer comfort and a hug when needed.
• Pray together. Acknowledge their sadness and pray for peace and comfort.
• Tape Scriptures on their wall. Some children may become fearful. Tape scripture near their bedside that speaks of God’s unfailing love, peace, protection, and eternal life so that they can read them when they need reassurance.
• Share memories and celebrate life of their deceased loved one.
• Draw pictures of their loved one. You encourage. They draw.
• Write a letter to the loved one. Encourage the child to do this independently or you can offer to be their scribe and write their thoughts in their own words exactly as they dictate them to you. Hearing and reading their own words serve as a healing tool.
• Give them a memento of their loved one like a framed photo of them together or a piece of jewelry, or trinket, etc.
• Involve them in the funeral. Let them read a poem, letter, or Scripture, sing or play a song. A child’s maturity level and relationship to the deceased needs consideration, but attending a funeral allows the child to celebrate the life of their loved one while feeling supported, loved and comforted.

Death is not easily navigated at any age and yet it is a reality that must be faced in this life after The Fall. Let us prepare our children well to celebrate life, grasp Hope, and acknowledge that though death is real, it cannot and will not hold us in the grave.

*Helping Children Through Their Grief, by National Funeral Directors Association, www.nfda.org.