Parenting with Grace
I remember a time when I was a teen and had really disappointed my parents. I had made a bad decision, one I knew I shouldn’t make. I felt awful, even shed tears, and wondered how I’d be punished. But then something miraculous happened. My dad wrapped me in his arms and let me cry. No lecture. No shaming or “I told you so.” Just love and compassion. I didn’t deserve it, nor did I get what I did deserve. Instead, I got grace, and a glimpse of how my heavenly Father loves me.
Fast forward about 25 years. My teenage son was in the same shoes I’d been in, having made a bad choice and regretting it. My husband and I discussed what we should do. What was a fair punishment under these circumstances? We knew our son felt remorseful over what he’d done. We decided to let him experience God’s grace firsthand—and we didn’t regret it. Our son was surprised, then grateful. He felt a little guilty for not getting punished, but we knew he had beat himself up enough already. Any natural consequences of his bad decision would be punishment enough.
Grace should occasionally be given to older children when you know they are genuinely sorry for something they’ve done. Younger children need the consistency of discipline and consequences so they learn right from wrong. But as kids reach their teen years, it doesn’t hurt to sprinkle in a bit of grace along with the guidance discipline gives. When you extend grace, explain why you’re doing it and use the opportunity to teach them about God’s love. Jesus took our punishment and we were given grace in exchange. We didn’t deserve it, but we got it anyway because of God’s great love for us.
A nice by-product of offering grace is the great feeling it gives you. It not only feels good to give the gift of grace, it can strengthen your relationship with your kids.
I’m guessing God has a hard time keeping a smile off His face when He surprises us with His grace, too.
Have you ever extended grace instead of consequences when your child messed up? What was the result?
Yes, I remember the incident well. However, to this day I think the child involved has had trouble forgiving themselves for the incident. Somehow we need to help them do that, too. Good writing, Linda!
Good point, Donna. We do need to help them forgive themselves, reminding them that Jesus’ sacrifice was given for situations such as this. It is enough! So we can live on with thanksgiving and grateful hearts instead of guilt. Praise Him! 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
You are a very smart woman. This is such good advice, I could have used it years ago. As my one sister says, you have to pick your battles and some of them you need to choose not to engage in at all. Wise advice.
If it won’t matter years from now, if you’ll be able to laugh at it…you should be able to release it now.
Thank you for your insight!
Thanks for reading, Billie. I’m much wiser now than I was when I was actually raising my kids! Isn’t that the way it goes? Thankfully, God gives us grace when we need it and wisdom beyond our own resources. Bless you!
This is great advice, but sometimes hard to follow through on–at least for me. I wish I did it more often.
Agreed, Cheryl. I wish I’d done it more often, too.