We recently moved my husband’s dad in with us. He’d had some health issues and none of us, including him, were comfortable with him living alone anymore. My daughter had to move to an upstairs bedroom so Grandpa could have the downstairs one. We all are making small sacrifices to care for someone we love. Is it always convenient? No. But we’re learning some important lessons from this experience.

1. Life doesn’t always go our way. On the surface, this pertains to us shuffling things around to make room for someone else in our home. But deeper, it hasn’t gone Grandpa’s way either. He’s lost a lot more than we have in this move, his independence being high on the list. We’re here to support each other.

2. This is how we treat family. When someone in our family has a need, whether they’re young or old, we’re there for them. We do what we can to help. We love them through difficult transitions with tender care. It’s how families, and really, the entire human race, should operate. Respect and love one another, always, through all stages of life.

3. Laugh. If families were to choose one word to represent themselves, our family’s word would be “laugh.” It’s what we do. A lot. Even when things aren’t going perfect, we still find things to laugh about. A prime example was the other night when my father-in-law had lost a tooth earlier in the day. He only has a few left! Able to eat soft foods, we took him out for ice cream. I asked him how eating the ice cream was working for him. He replied with a little twinkle in his eye, “It’s amazing what you can do with one tooth!” We laughed! Not a good circumstance, but we were together eating ice cream and that was enough to be happy about.

4. Give a little grace. Things aren’t always perfect when you have an extra family member under your roof. But then again, were they really perfect before? Extend some extra grace and forgiveness to your family members. Maybe things are rubbing them the wrong way today. Maybe they’re feeling crowded or unappreciated. Let the short words slide. Offer a helping hand or a listening ear. Or simply stay out of their way if they need some space. Don’t hold it against them. They’re doing the best they can today, under the circumstances, just as you are.

5. Communicate. We regularly ask each other, “How are you doing?” It isn’t a rhetorical question these days. We’ve silently given one another permission to say, “I really need some alone time” or “I just want to do something with you and no one else” or whatever the truth may be. Some days are great and others are hard when you’re sharing space with someone else and especially if they require more of your care and time than you’re used to giving.  Express appreciation for what each person does to contribute. Check in with each other about how they’re doing emotionally with this change. Be honest and kind.

Living with an elderly family member can be challenging, but it can also be very rewarding. Look for the good, the blessings, the humor in every day. Reach out for support and help when you need it. And remember your children are watching and learning about how we should care for our elders.