Making Peace with the Past

peace

Maybe it’s because I’m creeping closer to half a century and want to truly enjoy life. Maybe it’s because my overfilled plate needs to be cleared of something. Maybe it’s because I’m at the point of refusing to be weighed down by things from my past.

Whatever the reason, God saw fit to bring me such a wonderful peace that I truly must share it.

My father and I haven’t spoken for close to thirty years–his choice, not mine. He had moved away for a long time, but he’s probably been back up north for at least ten years now. Though I’ve sent cards and letters, and even called a couple of times, there was never a response.

More than once I’ve prayed that neither one of us leave this earth without seeing one another again. It’s one of the few times I’ve 100% given something up to the Lord and asked Him to work it out. (We control freaks have problems with letting go.)

Last week, I was on my way home from showing houses when I drove by my father’s street. I don’t know that area very well so it was a sure surprise when I looked left and saw it. I drove two more blocks before I felt the need to turn around and go back. Then I pulled Old Reliable up to the curb and sat for a few moments thinking how bad this could all turn out. It had been pouring most of the morning, but then it let up and it seemed like a “it’s now or never” kind of sign; though by the time I knocked on the door I was almost praying he wasn’t home.

After a rocky start, he let me in and we talked for an hour or so. It felt weird and good all at the same time. I was barely an adult when he wandered out of my life. Now, I have three children, own a home, and I’m an entrepreneur. My perspective on things has changed. My mother’s death fractured our family. For me, it’s always been my life before mom died and my life after, because they are so different. In some ways, I guess it might have been that way for my father too. He was always the breadwinner and rarely home. Suddenly, he found himself raising a teenager all alone. It couldn’t have been easy.

Honestly, I don’t know if we will ever see one another again. I’m okay with that. God answered my prayers. I’m at peace knowing I did what I could do bring about a reconciliation. That piece of the past no longer troubles me. Thank you, Lord, for being with me.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
– Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

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Comments

Making Peace with the Past — 15 Comments

  1. Cheryl, thank God you have the peace in your heart. I never saw my father even though he lived in the same town! I wish I was afforded just a moment with him. I’m so happy to read that you have at least reconciled! Thank you for sharing this!

    • I’m sorry you didn’t get that chance, Lee Ann. My mom died without me having seen her in several weeks. I was young and the family felt they were protecting me by keep me at home. Not being able to say goodbye bothered me for a long time. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want the same thing to happen with my father. I pray that God touches you and brings peace to your situation as well.

  2. Cheryl, I’m thankful you took that scary step and have now left the results in God’s hands. No doubt you are in your father’s mind and heart in a fresh new way. God will be working, and indeed already has, by giving you His peace.

  3. Wow! You have been through a lot, and I’m proud of how you have handled it. I’m glad this opportunity came your way, and hope your reconciliation will be all it can be. I’m happy you are at peace with it as it is, but praying too that if God is in it, the reconciliation will continue to grow and brighten your days.

  4. Thank you for sharing this sad, but beautiful piece of your heart and life with us. I am sure your story will help others who face similar circumstances. May you continue to find peace and rest in the arms of our Abba Father.

  5. Pingback: Blogging at Christian Children’s Authors – Making Peace with the Past | The Children's and Teens' Book Connection

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