My friend Liz Williams recently moved with her husband, six kids, one dog, and one cat from the Cincinnati suburbs to the wide-open spaces of Wyoming. She’s been blogging about her family’s new life at Six Shootin’ Mama. This post by Liz is about listening fully to her children in order to create a home that’s a loving launching pad. Enjoy!

Happily skipping off together. I don’t want them to flee home but leave to become all God created them to be because it’s the right time.

Listening, Fully

I’m dedicated to really knowing my children while they are still under my wing.

I don’t want their days to be spent counting down till they can “leave the nest” or, worse, “fly the coop” to be on their own. I want leaving to be a outgrowth of independence at the right time, not a means to escape a place they felt unknown and unheard. And when they do fly out on their own, I want them to choose to return at times, to share their hearts, to continue wanting to talk to their mom.

But how often do I really listen to my kids? I fear that more often than I’d like to admit, I half-listen as I continue typing, reading, chopping, folding–whatever task has the other half of my attention.

I’m not saying that I never listen to my children. But do I take the time when they desire it–when it’s not on my agenda but theirs–to fully listen and give them my complete and full attention? Sometimes I do, but maybe not as often as I should.

Knowing my habits and my weaknesses, I decided to pray and make a plan. How would I accomplish this imperative goal of listening in order to know my children well? Here are four ways that are working for me and might also work for you.

1. One easy solution (that I’ve instituted in the past but had let slip away) is to close the laptop lid when one of our children begins talking to me. I don’t open it again until they have decided the conversation–or the monologue!–is finished.

2. Another tactic is to invite my children to talk to me as I cook or fold laundry or do any other tasks that don’t require my mental energy and allow me to look them in the face at least part of the time while we converse.

3. Answer their questions. Pause the movie. Interrupt the TV show. Don’t shush the children so I can hear the dialogue on the screen. What an opportunity to hear what’s on their hearts and minds, to discover how the images on the screen are shaping their values, their thought processes. What does it matter if the half-hour program lasts over an hour? Think of all I can learn and the message you’ll be sending to their little hearts: “I’m more important to mommy than this movie.”

4. Use bedtime well. Instead of hurriedly rushing through the nighttime ritual, what if I asked them more questions, sat at the end of their beds, and let them share their hearts–their worries, their proud moments, their failings–allowed them to ask “one more question” before lights out? What a loud proclamation of my love.

This all sounds so obvious–if only I make it a priority. Our new “simple living” should make such changes even easier. Won’t you come alongside me? Make some changes yourself to truly listen to those you love. Let’s help each other stay true to this commitment to listen fully!

God, help me be ever present for my kids, as you are ever present for me. Don’t allow me to “sort-of” listen, smiling and nodding as if I’m listening. Cause my heart to stop what I’m doing, look my children in the eyes and really listen, truly hear what they are saying. Change my heart, oh God, so my undivided attention portrays the unconditional love I have for them because of the unconditional love you have given me.