I was only kidding.
You know I didn’t mean it.
I’m so sorry, I’ll never say that again.
You’re too sensitive.

One of my mother’s favorite sayings was, “Think before you speak.” Today, we might say “Engage brain before putting mouth in gear.” Either way, the goal is to control what we say. After all, once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back, they can only be forgiven. 

When I was a child, we used to defend against harsh words by repeating, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never harm me.” Unfortunately, that’s not even close to being true. I can still remember hurtful things that were said to me as a child. You probably can, too.
The consequences of careless words run deep. Some of the worst consequences are the emotional scars that remain with our children long after we’ve forgotten what we said. “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21) is certainly a true statement. 

So what can we do?

First, pray for help. That might sound trite, but there’s power in prayer. James wrote, “no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8). We can’t do it ourselves. We need help – the kind of help only the Holy Spirit can give. 

Second, be intentional about our conversations. When words “slip out” unintentionally, we can take a moment to stop and immediately ask for forgiveness. It won’t be easy. A bad habit we’ve had for years is rarely eliminated overnight. It takes time and intentionality.

Third, fill our minds with God’s Word, especially verses related to the power of our words, such as: 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

“But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them” (Matthew 15:18). 

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45).

Finally, enlist the encouragement of an accountability partner. Ask them to pray for you and give them permission to ask you specific questions about how you’re doing in the use of your words.

Words can be used to curse or to bless, to wound or to heal. The choice is ours, but the results will affect our children for the rest of their lives…for better or for worse.