If you have been following our conversation about foster care this year you’ll be aware of some of the frequently asked questions people have about foster care. Questions like: ‘How did this child end up in foster care?’ or ‘How can I support a family I know that is fostering?’
One of the most common questions I’ve heard is: ‘Does your foster child have to see their birth family?’ 
For a child in care (and I write from an Australian perspective but I assume it is similar in other parts of the world) the answer is almost always ‘Yes.’ 

Accepted research and understanding about foster care indicates that children in care benefit from regular contact with birth family as a means of establishing identity, creating understanding about why children are in care and, where possible, maintaining some form of relationship even if it will never again be one of permanent care.

So, what does birth family contact involve? Generally speaking it is a prearranged visit between the child and their biological family and varies considerably from case to case. Some of the factors taken into account are: the reasons a child was placed in care, the nature of the pre-existing relationships, the condition and situation of the birth family member. In Australia, contact arrangements are part of a child’s court orders, that is – they were recommended and documented when the magistrate made decisions surrounding the child’s placement into care. If a child is in temporary care, birth family contact is likely to be quiet frequent as the aim is restoration of the family unit. If the court has ordered permanent care (ie, the child may not live with their birth family until they are over 18 years of age) birth family contact is likely to be regular, but not as often. Sometimes children have visits with other significant family members also, such as siblings, grandparents or aunts and uncles.

In practice each child’s experience of birth family contact will be unique. In some cases all visits are supervised by case workers in agency buildings. In other cases foster carers themselves facilitate visits held in neutral locations, like a park. It all depends on the circumstances surrounding the child’s placement and the child’s best interests (their comfort, understanding, safety etc) are central.

Sometimes children find contact with their birth family to be traumatic, triggering responses connected to earlier abuse. But other children develop a close relationship with birth family, even if there is no plan for restoration, and contact visits can be positive and affirming times. Regardless of the ease, or challenge for the child, of these visits Christian carers know to cover their children in prayer before, during and after family contact as visits always raise issues, questions and concerns in the child as they continue to grapple with who they are and why they are in care.

But it’s not only the children who can find birth family contact challenging. Foster carers will also react to contact in a variety of ways. Arranging visits, supporting, encouraging and reassuring children can be an emotionally complex role. It brings out a multitude of emotions in a carer from jealousy to anger, distrust to helplessness. Carers need to give themselves permission to feel these emotions and then take them to God (and perhaps a trained counselor) to work through underlying issues.

Supporting families who foster is an important and unrecognized ministry. If you know a family like this and are a committed prayer warrior, consider asking this family if they would like you to pray for them in times surrounding contact visits. You could ask for dates and times when extra support might be needed, especially if they indicate that contact can be a difficult. Don’t ask more questions than are needed (foster carers must keep their child’s story confidential) but be prepared to listen. And don’t forget to pray for the child’s birth family too – we never know how God will use situations to bring healing in people’s lives.

Penny