How Bullies Changed My Daughter
One of my daughters will graduate from middle school next week. It can’t come soon enough. You hear how difficult these years can be on children–maybe even recall your own challenges at that age–but until your child is the victim of bullies, I’m not sure one can appreciate how much change happens at the middle school level.
For years, my daughter held her head high. She believed in herself and her abilities. Her side of the refrigerator was covered in artwork she was proud of and notes stating, “I am awesome!” and “I rock!”
A mere three years later, she’s a totally different person. She believes she’s ugly, overweight–though she’s not, will never have a boyfriend, and is untalented. This is all thanks to the bullies who have convinced her their words, not mine, are true.
I long for those days when she confidently strolled through the house as if she owned it. I miss those days when I believed her opinion of herself was high enough to weather the storms of middle school with their mean girls and popular boys who don’t talk to you unless you are a size two with perfect skin and hair. I never expected my child to be threatened and called names I didn’t even know the meaning of when I was that age. And as parents in this age of technology, we know the bullying does not stop at school. It continues via text and social media.
Two major incidents this year brought it all to a head (one I can’t talk about here). Then the consequences hit me this weekend when our family was supposed to attend a graduation party. My girls got there first. The minute my middle schooler caught sight of one of the guests–a bully from school–a panic attack seized her. She called me from her cell phone, but she was such a wreck she could barely speak. I thought she was having an asthma attack. What was supposed to be a nice day with friends ended up being a day where my daughter hid in her room watching NetFlix, because no amount of words from her parents could convince her she would be safe at the party.
As someone who was also bullied, I understand what she’s going through. But I only felt fearful once that someone would truly act on their words. My daughter’s bullies have been physical. They have been hurtful. And honestly, I don’t know if there is a way I can help my child gain back what they stole from her: her confidence and her self-esteem.
Please pray for us.
Note: This post originally appeared at The Busy Mom’s Daily.
Cheryl, I am so sorry for what your daughter has gone through. It’s heartbreaking to read, much less live. I am praying for her, and for you, as you seek to help her through this. Thanks for this vulnerable post.
Oh, Cheryl, my heart aches for your daughter and for you.
I, too, experienced relentless bullying in middle school. By the grace of God I look back and feel pity for the bullies now.
May God pour His grace over your daughter and your whole family!
Thanks so much, Linda and Ava. It has been a tough year, but with God’s grace we will come out of this as better, more loving people. We must pray for our bullies, since we don’t know what pain they are experiencing that makes them act the way they do. Those prayers don’t always come easy, but at least with His help they come.
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Oh Cheryl, my heart is sad for you & your family, especially your daughter. I’m surrounding you all in my prayers.
I also experienced verbal bullying at middle school, so know how damaging it is to your self-esteem to receive that. I’ll be praying Isaiah 43:4 for her, that she will know that she is precious in His sight, and He loves her.
Thanks, Wendy. It is tough to undo the hurt that has been caused, but we are working toward it.
Thanks for addressing this topic, Cheryl. Bullying has been around forever and it’s so sad how it can destroy innocent children. The good news is that there’s more awareness and anti-bullying programs these days, but I don’t know how much they help. Kids will figure out other ways to bully. I can understand why more and more moms are homeschooling, though that might not be the answer for everyone.
My heart hurts for your daughter. My middle school years were brutal.
Cheryl, I’m so sorry. Praying for you and your daughter. Self-esteem is not easily reborn, but all the shattered pieces can be remade by God’s grace.
Thanks so much, Crystal and Bonnie. Crystal, I wonder, too about the effectiveness of anti-bullying programs. It doesn’t seem to curb the behavior.
It is so sad that children become bullies. I don’t know what motivates them, but some can be brutal. I wonder what they’ll be like as adults.
Sending hugs and prayers for your daughter and your family.
God bless.
Thanks, Bev. Hopefully she will have a better year in the fall.