It’s tough to imagine when our children are little and so needy that there will ever come a day when they aren’t begging for our attention. But it happens faster than blinking your eye. Before you know it, the little ones are happier spending more time with their friends than with the family activities that used to entertain them.

In his Focus on the Family article titled, “Letting Go of Your Teen,” Tim Sanford talks about the process of your teen moving away from you, which is referred to by therapists as developmental individuating. 

Though it is natural for teens to move away from parents and family and toward their own peer group, that doesn’t mean our desire to protect them and “control” them isn’t as strong as it was then they were younger. It’s a tough adjustment to accept our children are becoming their own people with thoughts and ideas that might make us uncomfortable or might clash with our belief systems.

This doesn’t mean we stop leading by example, nor does it mean we have to accept all their antics as they go about finding themselves. It simply means we have to move toward being an influence over them instead of being a control freak.

In the past when my girls would try to negotiate over something I wouldn’t let them do or try to wiggle out of helping around the house, I would say, “I am the parent. You’re the child. This is a dictatorship, not a democracy.” As they have gotten older, however, instead of trying to “control” everything, I work instead to control my attitude and my response.

I can’t say it comes easy. Influencing the girls isn’t how I naturally approach things. I’m more of a my way or the highway kind of mom. But the reality is teens need the space to become the individuals God has created them to be.

Do we still have boundaries? Of course. How else can anyone learn self-control? I am , however, embracing democracy in our little home; though it’s taking a healthy dose of daily prayer to help me along.

What have you learned about raising teens that has helped?