Making Peace with the Past
Maybe it’s because I’m creeping closer to half a century and want to truly enjoy life. Maybe it’s because my overfilled plate needs to be cleared of something. Maybe it’s because I’m at the point of refusing to be weighed down by things from my past.
Whatever the reason, God saw fit to bring me such a wonderful peace that I truly must share it.
My father and I haven’t spoken for close to thirty years–his choice, not mine. He had moved away for a long time, but he’s probably been back up north for at least ten years now. Though I’ve sent cards and letters, and even called a couple of times, there was never a response.
More than once I’ve prayed that neither one of us leave this earth without seeing one another again. It’s one of the few times I’ve 100% given something up to the Lord and asked Him to work it out. (We control freaks have problems with letting go.)
Last week, I was on my way home from showing houses when I drove by my father’s street. I don’t know that area very well so it was a sure surprise when I looked left and saw it. I drove two more blocks before I felt the need to turn around and go back. Then I pulled Old Reliable up to the curb and sat for a few moments thinking how bad this could all turn out. It had been pouring most of the morning, but then it let up and it seemed like a “it’s now or never” kind of sign; though by the time I knocked on the door I was almost praying he wasn’t home.
After a rocky start, he let me in and we talked for an hour or so. It felt weird and good all at the same time. I was barely an adult when he wandered out of my life. Now, I have three children, own a home, and I’m an entrepreneur. My perspective on things has changed. My mother’s death fractured our family. For me, it’s always been my life before mom died and my life after, because they are so different. In some ways, I guess it might have been that way for my father too. He was always the breadwinner and rarely home. Suddenly, he found himself raising a teenager all alone. It couldn’t have been easy.
Honestly, I don’t know if we will ever see one another again. I’m okay with that. God answered my prayers. I’m at peace knowing I did what I could do bring about a reconciliation. That piece of the past no longer troubles me. Thank you, Lord, for being with me.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
– Philippians 4:7 (NIV)
