Do good kids ever bully other kids? In the elementary school where I work, I sometimes see the “classic” playground bully. You probably suspect the type—loud, intimidating, foul-mouthed, angry. They’re the ones who hit tetherballs when it isn’t their turn, kick soccer balls into the woods, and even take jump ropes from little kids, all within about five minutes. They make little kids give them their cookies at lunch or money to buy books at the book fair. Even adults can be a little intimidated by a bully that seems to have power over half the school. Luckily, this kind of bully is pretty rare.

What I usually see, however, are kids–“good” kids–who excel at subtle put-down comments. A 5^th grade boy reaches for an award-winning book in the library that looks thoughtful and intriguing and well-written, but two of his friends see a girl on the cover and tell him it’s a girl book. A 3^rd-grader loves the art and humor of picture books, but her friends tell her they are baby books. A Muslim girl with a head-scarf is teased by the girl who sits behind her on the carpet during the lesson-time, who whispers that the Muslim girl must be bald under the scarf. Kids on the athletic field yell disparaging comments to kids who miss the ball, kick it out of bounds, or run the wrong way. Is this bullying? These kinds of put-downs can rise to the level of bullying if they are persistent and make the victim feel like an outsider.

Good kids—even Christian kids—often don’t realize that little comments, even those made under their breath, can hurt. The Apostle Paul told the Ephesians to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love . . . Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your moths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:2 and 4:29).

Our children can learn to see that their classmates and teammates—every single one, in fact—are made in the image of God, and that means that we need to respect them and show love to them, even if we don’t understand them or even like them very much.

Christian kids can show Christ’s love by stepping in when they hear a subtle (or not-so-subtle) put-down. If they feel safe, they can quietly say that they think the book looks good, too, or ask their class-mate or teammate to stop hurtful teasing. If they are scared—and the news reminded me recently that standing up to someone who is unkind can be dangerous—encourage them to talk to teachers or other adults until they find someone who will listen and step in to help.

Reading books about bullying together can be helpful, too. Even if you don’t suspect it’s a big problem at your own child’s school, you might be surprised at how a story shared together can help your child open up to you. Berenstain Bears Stand Up to Bullying (Mike Berenstain), Be Kind (Pat Zietlow Miller), Recess Queen (Alexis O’Neil), Confessions of a Former Bully (Trudy Ludwig), Dancing in the Wings (Debbie Allen), and Jake Drake, Bully Buster (Andrew Clements), are a few books, old and new, for a wide age range, that are a great place to start. Even if they aren’t specifically Christian books, talking about them together can help your Christian kids learn to treat everyone they meet as if they were made in the image of God—because they are!

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).