Seizing Teachable Moments With Older Children

By Jean Matthew Hall

As babies and toddlers grow into preschoolers and school-aged kids it seems that a parent’s job changes from mostly “protecting” punctuated by a lot of “no-nos” to more complicated situations. These demand more complicated responses.

A simple “no” and a redirection to a different toy or activity doesn’t work anymore. Healthy, growing kids are curious and brave. Those are terrific traits, but they often lead to mistakes which lead to trouble.

At this stage parents tend to react rather than respond to misbehavior or poor decision-making. We tend to yell more. We get exasperated more often and more easily. We start worrying if our kids are normal. Are they going to grow up to be axe-murderers?

It’ difficult to keep the knob set to RESPOND instead of REACT, but it is so worth it. I now have adult grandchildren. I’ve been through the stages of child rearing (as a parent and grandparent) eleven times. I look back and regret that I yelled too much and walked away too little. I worked too hard and played not nearly enough. I did too much talking and far too little listening. I reacted too often to things I should have simply overlooked.

I urge you to ask the Lord to help you in the frenzy of raising your children to S.T.O.P.

• S SEE what’s really happening. SURVEY the situation. Be SILENT while you do.
• T TIMEOUT—for YOU, not the kids. TAKE TEN seconds to THINK and pray one of those quick “Help me, Lord.” prayers before you act or speak. Ask yourself why this is unacceptable to you. Are they doing something wrong? Or are they simply getting on your nerves? Maybe it IS you who needs a little timeout.
• O Is this an OPPORTUNITY for a teachable moment? Is this misbehavior better addressed by explaining why it is upsetting to you? Or why it is unacceptable? Is this an opportunity to redirect your child’s energy somewhere else? To give some time out for thinking about the misbehavior and how to act next time? For seeing that they make things right again?
• P PUNISH only deliberate disobedience. Address other misbehavior as moments to teach your children better choices, better behavior, better spiritual practices, better social skills. I wish I had learned this one much earlier as a parent.

Parenting is hard. It should be. It’s the greatest responsibility of our earthly lives. But we can share the responsibility with God. Seek His wisdom, His patience, His love and forgiveness as you parent those amazing little people growing up in your home.

If you do they will become amazing parents, too.