Tomorrow I’ll be celebrating a very special person in my life — my mother. I imagine that many reading this will be doing the same, and perhaps being celebrated as well. And while I’m excited about this beautiful day that causes us to pause and thank the women who sacrificed and continue to sacrifice so much for us, I cannot help but think of all the women out there who would love to be mothers, but cannot for a variety of reasons.

For many, being a mother is considered an essential part of what it means to be a woman. We need only look at some of the great women of the Bible to see examples of this. Everyone from Sarah to Rachel to Hannah felt incomplete until they were able to conceive.

In modern times we understand what they did not — that it’s not always the woman’s fault if conception does not take place. Furthermore, most people today would agree that a woman has an inherent value apart from her ability to bear children. This understanding would have been rare in ancient days, and I must admit, is still a stretch for some cultures that I’ve interacted with even over the last few years.

And yet even if a woman recognizes that her value comes from the fact that she is made in the image of God and loved by God, there is something about the desire to be a mother that is innate in many women. When that deep desire remains unfulfilled, it can be absolutely heart-breaking. I have heard of some women who have struggled so long and hard with infertility that they cannot even bear to be around friends and family who are pregnant because it’s too painful.

While we have made progress in understanding that a woman’s value goes beyond her ability to bear children, there is still a great amount of societal pressure placed upon a woman to be a mother. I have a friend who is in the ministry, and recently he opened up to me about the year-long struggle that he and his wife have been in trying to conceive. They both love children and are often surrounded by them in their ministry duties which makes their inability to conceive even more difficult to handle.

In the midst of this, many colleagues, congregants and others continuously ask them why they have yet to begin their family. Some have even made snide remarks that my friend’s wife doesn’t want children because she doesn’t want to lose her thin shape. Others have said that both are too career-driven. The majority of those making these assumptions are sadly, women.

My friend shared these remarks with me with tears in his eyes, adding, “Our doctor says that we need expensive treatments in order to conceive, and yet our ministry salary is not enough to cover these costs. Right now all we can do is pray and trust in God.” And that is what they continue to do — although I cannot imagine that the hurtful and unnecessary comments make it any easier.

As I reflect on this, I can’t help but think that we need to be very careful how we approach this topic, especially as women. Do we pass judgment on those of child-bearing age who do not yet have kids? Do we draw assumptions about other people’s lives and choices without having all the information? Do we hold to the belief, even sub-consciously, that someone is less of a woman if they do not have have children? If we do, then perhaps we are guilty of defining a woman’s value too narrowly.

So tomorrow as we celebrate moms, and indeed, they are worthy of celebration, I will be saying a prayer for my friend and his wife and for the many like her who ache to be able to share in the festivities but cannot. I do not believe this makes her any less of a woman in the eyes of God. For “in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

Someday I hope that I will be one of the ones being celebrated on tomorrow’s holiday, but if that day never comes (either through child-birth or adoption), I rest in the knowledge that I bear God’s image even now and He still has a purpose for me.