Easing the Pain of Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day can bring a lot of joy.

To new moms, first-time moms, moms whose children are succeeding and accomplishing goals, moms with healthy babies, women whose own moms are loving, understanding, and supportive.

Mother’s Day can bring a lot of pain.

To women who can’t conceive, women who’ve miscarried, women with sick babies, women who’ve lost children, women who’ve had abortions, women whose children are prodigals, women whose own moms were not shining examples of motherhood, women in grief.

I am among those for whom Mother’s Day is a glad day. But I have experienced losses of various kinds and had to deal with grief.

One of the worst kinds of grief is disenfranchised grief, when people grieve “without the benefit of social support or others’ recognition of their struggle.” *

The Bible tells us to honor our parents. The honor is due them for their position if not for their behavior.

But the Bible doesn’t mandate a special day for churches to make a big deal about the happy moms and new babies in their midst. And definitely not at the expense of those who already woke up on Mother’s Day with heavy hearts.

Churches often recognize moms or dedicate babies on Mother’s Day. I’m not sure why. Yes, we are to honor one another (Romans 13:7), and moms deserve honor and encouragement, and those babies can make for an entertaining morning.

But if the observance doesn’t also acknowledge the real hurt of moms who grieve and women who long to be moms but are not … then those who struggle find their grief disenfranchised by those who should be the first to love.

So this is a plea for all of us to be aware.

If your church celebrates Mother’s Day in any way that disenfranchises grief this year … maybe you can help turn things around for next year.

And maybe you know a woman for whom coming to church on Mother’s Day will be a struggle. Maybe you can speak a simple word of acknowledgement, or write a note, or give a hug.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

* The quote is from counselor Cheryl Savageau in the chapter on grief in Parents of Missionaries (IVP).

DIANE

Visit Diane at www.dianestortz.com

Comments

Easing the Pain of Mother’s Day — 6 Comments

Kathy Rupff on May 10, 2013 at 11:33 am said:

Very well said, Diane! I really appreciate this– You’ve put into much better words than I could what was rumbling around in my heart… THANK YOU, and Happy Mother’s Day!

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- Diane Stortz on May 10, 2013 at 12:04 pm said:
  
  Kathy, I’m glad you found the post helpful, and thank you for letting me know!
  
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Wendy Sparkes on May 11, 2013 at 9:11 am said:

A lovely, thoughtful post Diane – I really liked your comment “And maybe you know a woman for whom coming to church on Mother’s Day will be a struggle. Maybe you can speak a simple word of acknowledgement, or write a note, or give a hug.” I would like to add too that Mother’s Day can bring pain to children who have lost their mothers, & maybe there’s a child you know that will be struggling at church tomorrow too with whom you could do the same – a simple word of acknowledgement, write a note, or give a hug.

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- Diane Stortz on May 11, 2013 at 9:14 am said:
  
  Thanks Wendy, that’s a good point!–Diane
  
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Janice D Green on May 13, 2013 at 12:36 am said:

This is a wonderful post. I too am aware of women who grieve on Mothers Day for various reasons. I once tried to write a hymn about it, but it was terrible, so don’t ask me to post it. We need to honor our mothers, but not at the expense of those who are hurting.

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Cheryl C. Malandrinos on May 13, 2013 at 11:33 am said:

I love this post, Diane. It’s important not to forget those who are grieving at this time.

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