As parents it’s easy to get uptight and take things too seriously. When we were raising our kids, I sometimes found myself feeling anxious or irritated by my children’s antics. I realized I was parenting out of fear instead of joy. I feared my kids wouldn’t turn out well, that maybe I wasn’t a good enough parent, so I tried harder to make my kids toe the line, which led to more frustration. Not a very fun way to raise a family.

As a grandparent now, I realize I should have laughed more with my children. And indeed sometimes I did. But I wish I’d done it more. When milk spilled, or the baby’s tray overflowed with self-poured cereal, I wish I would have laughed instead of sighed. When my son’s noise or my daughter’s nonstop chatter  rubbed my last nerve, I wish I’d have leaned in and listened harder and punctuated it with a belly laugh.

When my children told me their made up joke for the umpteenth time, I wish I could have found it in myself to guffaw and slap my knee in appreciation every time. And when my three-year-old came down dressed in her own choice of clothes worn backwards, I would love to rewind and laugh out loud at her outlandish fashion sense.

Laughter eases tension. It shines sunlight on ordinary days. A big haw-haw lifts your spirits and the spirits of your children. It makes you a fun parent and models joy for your kids. I like to think it burns more calories than sighing, too, though I haven’t been able to back that one up yet.

I’m happy to report that our family learned to laugh more over time. One of the greatest compliments we’ve ever received came from a twenty-something friend who lived with us for a few months. “There’s always lots of laughing in their house.” I laughed when I heard it.

So next time you feel your shoulders tightening or your voice rising, take a breath. Choose a different response. Let a smile overtake your face–and laugh! Then enjoy the surprise on your children’s faces.

Do you parent more out of fear or joy? Do you wish you and your family laughed more?