One thing I’ve noticed in recent years is that some children seem to have only one volume setting when they speak. Loud. Or maybe that’s not fair. Some have three volumes. Loud, louder, and loudest. I’m not sure why that is, but I find it annoying. So I’d like to offer a few suggestions to help your child learn to use a quieter voice. It may save your sanity, and it certainly will save mine! 🙂

1. Let your child know when his voice is too loud. Most kids have no idea! They just need to be made aware that there are different ways to speak and that they will be heard even if they talk softer. Then it’s your job to act on what they say so they don’t have to yell.
2. Develop a hand signal that means, “lower your voice.” We used a flat hand, palm down, that started about chin high and and moved down to about waist high. Non-verbal communication keeps you from nagging your child, which can become tiresome for both of you. It can also remind him from across a room if necessary, to use a quiet voice without embarrassing him.
3. Play the whispering game. The only rule is that you may speak only in a whisper for a designated amount of time. This gives him practice using his quiet voice and adds a bit of fun, family competition to the mix. Whoever speaks in a whisper the entire time gets a small reward like a sticker or an ice cream treat.
4. Introduce different voice volumes by giving each one different names. Outside voice is loud and perfectly okay to use in the great outdoors or at a sports event. Inside voice is your regular speaking voice that should be used in normal conversation. Library voice is a quiet speaking voice. Church or theater voice is a whisper. Have a conversation about the different voices and let your child try each one out. Make a game of it as you call out a different voice name and he responds using the right one.
5. Model a soft voice. If you’re constantly raising your voice to your children, they’ll likely use a louder voice most the time. But what happens when you whisper? People lean in to hear what you’re saying. If your children don’t listen unless you’re yelling, you need to change things up. Require your child to make eye contact with you before you speak. Then whisper in their ear. What a pleasant surprise that will be for them and way more fun than getting yelled at.

Try these tips out and see the change in your child. You might even notice a change in your stress level, because speaking loudly or always being yelled at increases the amount of frustration you feel. So take a deep breath, let it out, and relax. Then whisper. And feel the stress melt right out of your body. It may not happen immediately, but if you continue to practice, you’ll see results.

How do  you manage loud voices? Is it more important for people to listen or to speak? How can we teach that to our children?