Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise – so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:2-3 NIV 

 Father’s Day knotted my stomach. Facing troves of “greatest father ever” greeting cards I’d sigh, mumble something like, “Yeah, right!” until I found the most generic card I could find. At least when I was younger all I had to do was scratch my name at the bottom of my sister’s card and slide by the honoring part on her coat tails.

Until I was in my late forties, honoring my father never came easy and knowing the statistics of divorce, maybe it doesn’t come easy for many of us or our kids. (Now, I’m not saying that it’s only fathers that gain a child’s disdain in a divorce, if at all, nor am I saying divorce is the only situation that causes us to dishonor our fathers. I only know my story and I’m writing a Father’s Day article, so please allow me a bushel of grace).

Since God created the commandment to honor our father (and mother), honoring isn’t optional. So, how do we honor our fathers (and mother) when we feel they fall short (divorced or not)? Or as mothers, how do we teach our children to honor their fathers when we feel they don’t deserve it? (I add the latter because my mother held onto bitterness and skewed my relationship with my father for decades).

• Forgive – Offer freely what’s been freely given to us through Jesus Christ. This doesn’t mean we forget what’s been done against us, but forgiveness will unburden our hearts and allow us to discard bitterness that so easily consumes our hearts and minds.
• Find the good – We are all made in God’s image, therefore, there is something good in everyone. If it’s difficult finding something good in your father, you can at least be thankful that he gave you life. Without him, you would not exist.
• Fix boundaries – God would never want to re-traumatize anyone. As an adult you can set boundaries for yourself (or your children) that protect you (physically or emotionally) while still honoring your father. For me, there was only a need to distance myself from the emotional tension between my parents.
• Force restraint- Parents, restrain from fighting or sharing negative remarks about the other in front of your children. Both of you are that child’s parent and both of you deserve their honor.

God designed family from the beginning and honoring our parents was part of his design. Although we live in a broken world where we experience divided families, Jesus came to restore it all–the world, our families, our lives. I pray that if you experience difficulty honoring your father this Father’s Day, you would allow God’s Holy Spirit to heal your broken heart and lead you toward forgiveness so that you might offer your father the honor God assigned to him.

God Bless,

Dawn Aldrich