The past few weeks/months have been challenging for most of us. Many of us are trying to juggle work from home schedules, becoming homeschool parents, while parenting our youngest children. Writers and teachers often learn about children’s developmental stages but we sometimes forget to apply that knowledge to our parenting. So how do we know if our children are exhibiting defiant behaviors that need correcting or are they simply going through a phase of their normal development?

Here are a few tips:

• Ages 0-2 Children are awake and cute. They love to mimic our facial expressions and our words. They need to hear lots of words and make eye contact. This age loves “Touch and Feel” books and books with mirrors.

• Ages 1-2 Children move into the “I can do it” phase. They want to be independent just like you. Let them try but keep a watchful eye. They want to copy the words and sounds they hear. Books like Moo, Moo Brown Cow are favorites to be read over and over and over.

• Ages 2-4 Their world is still all about them. They are motivated by safety and hugs. Children at this age love to imagine anything. They love the box the toy came in more than the toy. Give them books like Not a Box to stimulate that imagination.

• Ages 3-8 Children begin the shift from time with parents to more independence and friendships. They are motivated by fun and have no filters. They love rhyme and rhythm, and picture books with great illustrations. They want to know how everything works from plant and animal life cycles to motors and electricity, hence the why? syndrome. This age loves nonfiction books with photographs. They are truly little sponges. Your little ones need to explore the out of doors in all kinds of weather and build with all kinds of materials with real tools.

• Ages 8-10 Children this age are developing friendships.  Competitive sports are a huge motivator, especially for boys. Sibling rivalry may increase. Children create relationships with peers and animals that spill over into their reading habits.

• Ages 10-12 Ahh middle schoolers. Puberty begins to set in. Their brain chemistry is changing. Hormones go awry. Middle schoolers deal with insecurity about their relationships. They want to know where they fit in “the pecking order”. And They Eat!!! Middle Schoolers are laughing one minute and crying the next. Then they are fuming mad. You wonder, “Who is this kid?” They are too cool for school and too cool for you. Fun is far away from adults. They are motivated by peer acceptance.

• Ages 13-18 This age group wants to mirror the culture. They are tech-savvy. Friendships shift, interests shift. They want to be part of the clique and parents hear, “everybody else is doing it”. Our teens struggle with career choices and how to accomplish those choices, but advice from mom and dad is not usually welcome.

At each phase, remind yourself that you’re the parent. You’ve been there and done that too. Let’em be little — or big. Guide with gentleness. It’s easy to remember the verses that say “Honor thy Father and Mother…” (Ephesians 6:1) but don’t forget Ephesians 6:4 “ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV).

Blessings,

Gail Cartee